There is nothing new under the sun, according to Ecclesiastes, who would have made a terrible public relations consultant for the travel industry. Because if there aren’t new things to sell it is necessary to make up new words for old things, or new words for things that aren’t really things per se but that you’re trying to promote into being things.
Which is why I am introducing my own neologism and hot travel trend: wamping.
Dear Transportation Security Administration,
After reading about your expanded background checks of applicants for PreCheck clearance at airport security, I would like to file this addendum to my application.
I didn’t realize when I sent in the original application that you might be investigating my online shopping activity. Even if you really have postponed the “live prototyping” plan (boy, you guys sure have a knack for creepy names), I would like to take this opportunity to further explain some of my recent purchases.
JetBlue will start flying between Bradley and Reagan National in Washington on June 19.
Flights will leave Bradley at 6:35 a.m. and 6:30 p.m. and Reagan National at 9:20 a.m. and 7:25 p.m. Introductory fares as low as $30 one way (Tuesdays and Wednesday only) are available for travel through August, but you have to buy them today. I found other fares ranging from $64 to a refundable holiday weekend fare of $564.
The aircraft on this route will be 100-seat Embraer 190 jets, bigger than a regional jet but not quite as big as the traditional narrow-body Boeing or Airbus jets. Last year the CEO of JetBlue pronounced himself “disappointed” with this line of aircraft but, hey, they have leather seats.
My unfashionable defense of the Transportation Security Administration has been, while not exactly ardent, at least steadfast and long-standing, grounded in the simple fact that passing through security at my home airport was worse before the TSA showed up.
It was impossible back then to know what the hostile minimum-wage rent-a-cops at Bradley International (sic) Airport expected passengers to do as they approached the conveyor belt. All we could be sure of is that they would shout their seemingly arbitrary commands with derision and sarcasm. I didn’t hate them, even then. Their underpaid misery seemed greater than any misery they could inflict on the traveling public in those random and brief displays of despotic authority. But I don’t miss them, either.
At least with the TSA, I know what to expect. Or at least I thought I did. Lately I’m becoming confused.
The Westin Diplomat, Hollywood, Florida.