We’ve been together for a long time but you must have seen this coming. Yes, I’ve been flying Southwest. But I don’t think it’s fair to put this all on me. I mean, let’s face it, you’ve changed.
I mean, you were nice to me for a while. But I was never the kind of passenger you really wanted. I think we both know that.
Remember when I got my silver medallion card in the mail? I didn’t even know what it was. It was like a Cinderalla thing for a lowly budget leisure traveler to earn enough MQMs to get upgrades. Upgrades! Oh, first class sure is nice. And then I got GOLD medallion status. Woo-hoo! That was sweet.
Those were great years for us, Delta, and I’ll remember them fondly. We’ll always have those memories. And I want you to know that I was always loyal to you back then.
But, hey, we’re both realists. You never pretended I was your favorite, even though we had a nice relationship.
Remember when Ben Baldanza over at US Airways called low-fare leisure travelers “cockroaches?” I thought you didn’t feel that way. Delta values all its customers, I thought, even those who fill seats at off-peak times and pay less for them. You never called me a cockroach. But now I wonder, you were thinking it, weren’t you?
That’s OK. I don’t blame you. I just want you to admit that you’re the one who changed.
You changed a lot. When you changed the way status is earned I lost my medallion status. When you changed the way the credit card works, I lost my companion fares. And now you’ve changed the way miles are earned so that I’d have to fly 10 trips to earn the miles I used to earn on one. That was harsh.
It doesn’t help that you’re rehabbing half your fleet to stuff more seats into coach. I know you don’t really want me any more but do you have to crush me quite so literally?
So, anyway, look, no hard feelings but I’ve spent down the miles and I’m turning in the credit card. I’ll see you around. I mean you control half the gates at Bradley since the big merger so we can hardly avoid each other.
But I don’t think I’ll be coming back. Sure, Southwest is never going to put me in first class or give me dinner. Maybe this relationship won’t last, either. But I’m going to give it a shot.
It’s not just that Southwest doesn’t charge bag fees or change fees. They also seem to, well, just like me more. In a way, I feel as if you and I were never really meant to be together. Looking back …
Hey, are you paying attention? I’m breaking up with you, dammit. Could you at least pretend to listen?
What’s that about my ass and the door? Well, hey, fine. Whatever. I was trying to be nice about this. I hope you enjoy your record-breaking profits and your stupid oil refinery. Why don’t you buy a nuclear plant while you’re at it? Let’s see how long it takes you to go bankrupt again.
Wait, sorry, that was uncalled for. I’m not bitter. I just want us both to be happy. Maybe you’re better off without me. I guess you’d better hope so.