Denver Airport: Conspiracy Theory Central

I know I’m going to look like a complete fool in 2012 when our reptilian overlords emerge from the vast bunker beneath Denver International Airport with their army of slave warriors and take over the world. But for now I’m just going to take the risk of assuming that’s the craziest conspiracy theory I’ve heard yet.

Or collection of theories, really. Apparently there are a raft of them, not entirely consistent with each other, involving aliens, enslaved children, military bunkers, a new world order and the Denver airport. I only just learned of this phenomenon, which seems to be based on the fact that the airport is relatively new and has some unusual murals that can be interpreted in wild ways by people who need to get their prescriptions refilled.

I do realize that it is very much in vogue right now to decide what you believe and then to cobble together a support structure from whatever vague, contradictory or just outright insane “evidence” you can gather. The practice of critically evaluating the available facts to reach a rational conclusion is not so trendy at the moment.

But why do people want to believe in wild conspiracies like this? I think it’s because the world is too complicated and too random for them, and they feel better if they can make connections and see patterns where there are none. Also, some people are nuts. 

But if you want to believe in airport conspiracy theories, here are a few more plausible ones:

Theory: Airports are conspiring to overcharge us for coffee.
Evidence: I once paid $6 (accidentally) for a cup of bad coffee in the domestic airport in Istanbul.

Theory: Airports are conspiring to rip us off for Internet access.
Evidence: $6 and up for an hour of questionable Wi-Fi? Please!

Theory: Airports are conspiring to deprive us of sleep
Evidence: Uncomfortable seating, constant announcements

Theory:  The TSA wants to see us naked
Evidence: OK, sort of naked. And not necessarily all of us.


One thought on “Denver Airport: Conspiracy Theory Central

  1. Natalie

    I am completely in agreement with the sleep deprivation. Why else would they feel the need to make TSA announcements every 15 minutes at full-blast at 2:00am? I once purchased a $15 ham, egg, and cheese bagel in a sleep-depraved state. I didn’t even realize that they forgot the egg until I was halfway through and too damn tired to turn around for an egg.


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