The Simpsons Go All Theme Park

I’m slightly alarmed by the idea of a ride at Universal Studios based on the TV show The Simpsons.  If you watch the show, you know that it is truly and delightfully subversive, and I’m not sure how that degree of satire fits in with a conventional theme park.

I guess we’ll just have to wait and see. But meanwhile, with many thanks to The Simpsons Archive, I’d like to remind everyone of the theme parks that the Simpsons have visited on the show:

Itchy & Scratchy Land, an ultra-violent amusement park where the attractions include Torture Land, Explosion Land and Searing Gas Pain Land. When the Simpsons visit, the park’s robots go bezerk and attack the visitors.

Duff Gardens, featuring unfriendly characters named Tipsy, Queasy, Surly, and Remorseful who are dressed as beer bottles. When the Simpson children visit, Lisa gets high drinking the water on a boat ride and Bart tries on "beer goggles" that turn his homely aunt Selma into a ripping hot babe.

Praiseland, a Bible-themed amusement park built by Simpsons neighbor Ned Flanders. The attractions include the Whack-A-Satan and King David’s Wild Ride. A gas leak gives vistors visions that they attribute to a miracle.

Storytown Village, a theme park for babies with a petting zoo and a series of lame, malfunctioning attractions. "Mother Goose" announces car break-ins over the loudspeaker.

And then there’s KrustyLand, about which Krusty the Klown declaims at a news conference: "And I contend that those tourists were decapitated  before they entered the KrustyLand House of Knives."

Add in the constant tweaking of all things Disney, and it’s clear the show has no reverence for theme parks. Which makes you wonder what a real Simpsons ride would be like.


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