How To Fall Overboard

"Alcohol and night swimming. It’s a winning combination!" — Lenny, The Simpsons

The Associated Press has answered the age-old question, how do you fall off a cruise ship? The answer seems to be: get drunk and get stupid in any ratio totalling 100 percent.

For instance, 25 percent drunk and 75 percent stupid would do the trick. But then 80 percent drunk and 20 percent stupid should also work. I believe this explains how passengers have been going overboard of late, both individually and in tandem.

I know whereof I blog because I’ve been on a cruise, I’ve been drunk and I’ve been stupid. Maybe not all at the same time or in the proper ratio, but definitely all three at various times in various ratios.

Maybe that’s why I just can’t bring myself to utterly condemn these waterlogged lug-heads. I want to think it’s not possible for me to achieve a perfect storm of stupidity and/or drunkenness that, coupled with a stroke of bad luck, could land me in some massively and publicly embarrassing predicament.

But I’m not quite sure enough about that to throw the first stone. Well, OK, I might toss it — gently.

Anyway, I usually have an inside cabin. Because I’m cheap. And because I believe that while you can be too drunk and you can be too stupid, you can never be too inside your cabin.


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